SURVIVAL

Breaking Free: Choosing a New Path Beyond Survival

For much of my life, survival meant navigating through a web of chronic stress and trauma. The ways I learned to survive are definitely not the ways I want to continue to live. Childhood experiences: neglect, emotional abuse, shame, worthlessness, physical and sexual abuse, abandonment, violence, and the presence of parental mental illness, shaped how I interacted with the world. They left me numb, unable to engage in the spontaneity and joy others seemed to find naturally. I couldn’t be playful, and my reactions felt out of sync with the life around me. I had learned to suppress emotions, burying them deep within as a coping strategy.

In the process, I became emotionally detached. I numbed myself with substances to dull the sharp edges of my pain, and for a time, it felt like that was the only way to survive. But survival, as I’ve learned, is not the same as living. It’s like being stuck in a constant state of defense, always bracing for the next blow, never allowing yourself to truly exhale or feel safe.

Now, as I stand on the edge of my old life, I look back one last time. I take a deep breath and whisper to myself: It’s time. Time to let go. Time to release the weight of the past that I’ve carried for so long. I am ready to move beyond mere survival and embrace something more.

I am ready for a new story to begin, one that isn’t defined by the wounds of my past but by the healing and growth I’m choosing for my future. I want to trust myself more, enjoy the moments life offers, and allow myself to play. I want to live expansively, not just exist.

This journey isn’t about forgetting the past, but about transforming it. The survival strategies that once protected me have served their purpose. Now, I step into a future where I can expand my awareness, nurture trust, and rediscover the playful side of myself that was buried beneath years of trauma.

Today, I choose to live, not just survive.