RELIEF
10 Suggested Steps: A Guide to Relief and Awakening
Inspired by AA's 12 steps as well as the insights discussed above, the following steps are proposed as an program for relief from addiction. These new steps are a work in progress. I welcome your comments and suggestions.
Step 1. Accept that, for now, you are powerless over your addiction.
By now you have probably tried everything else to try and stop the compulsion to use again. Nothing works. So it's time to try something new. Let's acknowledge the one thing that we know is true--I can't stop. That's it. Don't judge it or think about it. Just accept that one thing that we know for sure.
You can't stop because your false, mind-based identity or personality—your egoic self—is unstable. It is based on thought, which has no objective reality. That’s why it must be constantly re-enforced moment to moment. Continuous compulsive thinking is required to maintain and strengthen your existing definition of who you are - your "me."
Living life like this is dysfunctional and painful. Without a new perspective from which this condition can be viewed, there can be no escape, and we will remain powerless over the compulsion to use.
The first step for relief is to accept fully this fact of life. The most important question to ask is: " How can I get a new perspective?"
2. Trust that your compulsion to use might diminish as your compulsive thinking diminishes.
You are going to have to trust. Trust is not belief. Belief is all about thinking.
Your trust will have to come from your guts not your head.
It’s hard to accept that things will get better if we just reduce our thinking. After all, most of us have been taught all our lives that conditions improve only when we “think them through” or engage in "positive thinking." All step 2 requires is to accept that this thinking thing has not worked for you and no new version will either. On the other hand, the non-thinking process has worked for millions of people who were suffering just like you.
Be aware! Your egoic mind will tell you it won't work. The monster is under serious threat.
3. Through meditation, diminish your compulsive thinking and your egoic personality.
For us, sobriety is defined as the temporary abatement of the compulsion to use.
The abatement of the compulsion to use (sobriety) is dependent on only one thing: the daily maintenance of our spiritual condition (state of mind). A good state of mind is one that is free from the imprisonment of compulsive thinking. A poor state of mind is characterized by a head full of resentments, fears, endless repetitive thinking, imperatives, lists and most importantly the compulsion to use to get some relief from this constant noise in our head.
Take some action to help yourself.
Meditation can reduce thinking and lessen the impact of any thoughts that do come forward into your consciousness. Practicing meditation works very much like going to the gym to exercise the body. To achieve lasting serenity, meditation requires daily practice.
At first, you may find it very difficult to achieve stillness because your mind is so conditioned toward compulsive thinking. Please don’t be discouraged. With continued practice, you will begin to see a difference. The compulsion to use will diminish, and your life will become much easier. When you stop thinking, you become conscious. When you are conscious, you re-enter your natural state of acceptance, as opposed to the resistance which characterizes a thought-based life. When conscious, life starts to go easier. We re-enter the dance of life from which we have been long absent.
Each of us continues to have thoughts but the important difference is that now we observe them without judgement where in the past they completely controlled us.
4. Make a decision to abandon your current egoic personality.
It's just a decision for now but eventually the "me" will have to go.
The reason it must go is because your compulsion to use is a inseparable part of the present version of the you. If you keep the you or any part of it, you will absolutely return to using at some point.
Good news! No replacement is necessary. The real you is just underneath waiting to come out. It's a Rebirth not a Recovery.
If relief from addiction and alcoholism were just a matter of reducing our thinking, a daily meditation practice would suffice. Unfortunately, that’s not the end of the addiction story. By deciding to let go of your thought-based identity, you begin to create the conditions under which long-term relief can be guaranteed.
You will experience strong resistance when you begin to reduce your thinking. Your existing identity may be thought-based nonsense, but it’s your only identity. Any threat to it may feel like a threat to your existence. This is why addiction is so difficult to arrest. Ultimately, your true self is up against your egoic identity, which, like most beings, wants to go on living.
5. Make a fearless and thorough inventory of your egoic personality.
As Eckhart Tolle puts it in A New Earth, “In the seeing of who you are not, the reality of who you are emerges by itself.” Now its time to examine our egoic self using AA’s powerful fourth-step procedure. We list our resentments and fears, which actually comprise the totality of the egoic personality.
Our egoic self—the personality that’s gotten us where we are—won't enjoy this process. Sensing its imminent demise, it may put up violent resistance. We proceed anyway, because if we don’t, we are very likely to drink or use again. If we can just make a start, we will find that it becomes easier as we go along.
We write down a thorough history of our actions and thoughts in column form. For instructions, see Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 64-71. As we complete the inventory, we ask, “Is it possible that this is who I am? This set of fears and resentments?”
It is not who you truly are but it is a accurate description of who you have been for most of your life as a self-centered, selfish and dishonest thought-based egoic personality.
Your old self would judge this as bad but the new aware you will see this as a truth from which a new beginning can be made.
The inventory process enables you for the first time in your life to establish some distance from your egoic identity, and to stop confusing it for who you are.
We all have firm ideas about who we are. We can provide a list when asked to do so but nothing on the list will contain any truth because all our ideas about ourselves are thought based and thought as a bodily function cannot encapsulate truth; all thought by its nature is perspective. So nothing we know about ourselves is who we are. Great news! Identity is not-necessary.
6. Share this inventory with another person.
Its time to show that we mean business. The egoic self is cunning and can disguise itself as the good guy doing the work to overcome addiction. This step is a necessity to flush the beast out of the woods. By honestly sharing our worst secrets with another human being, we further weaken the egoic self and increase the light of awareness within us.
Sharing the inventory out loud with another person lengthens the distance between you and your egoic identity, improving your ability to see it for what it is. You may realize for the first time that you cannot possibly be just a set of angry and fearful thoughts.
7. Let go of the false self and let your awareness and intuition protect you.
We were all taught to depend on our thinking, an ability that was said to be divine and therefore set us apart from the rest of the natural world. The truth is the exact opposite: The natural instincts common to the natural world, but largely forgotten by us, are divine. When we experience them we are witnessing an expression of consciousness, of being, of God, of our true selves.
So learn to embrace and trust your hunches, intuition, and moments of inspiration and disregard thoughts that block awareness rather than serve it. After a time, you will come to trust your instincts -- as the Big Book states, the hunch and the brainstorm will become the norm. Your inner spiritual voice will always lead you in the perfect direction. The ego will tell you otherwise, consistent with its self-serving nature and its complete disregard for your well-being.
8. Make a list of all those you have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.
By following AA's 8th and 9th steps, we clear away the wreckage of the past and limit the egoic identity's ability to interfere with our present reality. Here we continue our practice to weaken the egoic monster within. By taking this action we again directly confront the egoic self and confirm our resolve to rid ourselves of this terrible burden. These action steps are absolutely required to defeat this powerful nemesis, which has been with us for our whole lives and with humankind for tens of thousands of years.
9. Make direct amends to all those you have harmed.
Amends means to compensate or put right a wrong. The old egoic self could never be wrong so amends would not be forthcoming if we were unchanged at this point.
Your true self and your old egoic self cannot stand in the same shoes, face another human being, and honestly make amends. One of you is going to die. Making amends is not saying you're sorry (again) -- that's the ego talking. Making amends is admitting wrong and embracing real change in yourself as evidenced through this action.
That's why this is a hard one. Many who undertake the 12-step program falter at step nine, either by doing nothing or by doing the minimum necessary to keep their sponsor happy. Work on this step can go on and on. But as the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, if you're less than thorough here, you are sure to use again. This is the final confrontational action step. If carried out rigorously, it leads directly to freedom from bondage and the promised happy, joyous, and free life.
10. Continue to strengthen your consciousness.
If you want to maintain your relief from the compulsion to use, you will have to go to the "spiritual gym" every day and do some work. Meditation, vocal prayer, and service to others are three tools you can use to exercise your spiritual self and maintain or enhance your healthy state of mind, or spiritual condition.
These practices must be begun immediately to reduce compulsive thinking and thereby receive relief from the compulsion to use.