PORTLAND
Welcome to Portland: A Day in the life of Daddio
Last night, after dropping Chiara off at her ancient apartment to catch up with old roommates and "fiends," I parked in my go-to spot next to the PSU college gym. I set up the bed in the Sports Mobile, aiming for a solid night's sleep. At 2 am, a tipsy enthusiast gifted the gym a broken window. By 2:30 am, the police were on the scene, doing their Sherlock thing, securing the window, and roping off the area.
Around 3:00 am, rain joined the party. The raindrops played a symphony on the roof, creating a surprisingly pleasant lullaby. By 4:00 am, I felt the Sprinter shimmy, thinking it was just Mother Nature being a bit windy. Checking the rearview mirror for the bikes, I discovered the shaking was due to a wannabe thief attempting a Felt bike heist, complete with Di2 and Dura-Ace 9000 components.
The audacious culprit wielded bolt cutters, snipping the cable with the grace of a misplaced ballerina. Launching out of the Sprinter like a superhero in my birthday suit, I chased down the thief, executing a dive-bombing tackle that sent him and my precious bike crashing to the ground. Mid-air, I had the foresight to protect my two-wheeled companion and deliver a textbook tackle.
As I sat atop the thwarted thief, I couldn't resist a few punches to his face. Standing triumphantly over the would-be thief, I waited for him to rise, eager to unleash my wrath. With a delightful array of expletives, I pushed him back down, ready to claim victory. He managed to scurry away, leaving me, a barefoot and naked warrior, contemplating my conquest.
Realizing my lack of footwear and clothing, I marveled at the absurdity of the situation—a naked avenger defending his trusty bike. It must have been quite a sight for the bewildered thief. Despite the oddity, the rain falling around 4:30 am added a touch of poetry to the scene. After an unsuccessful hunt for the rogue "Ahole," I opted for a victorious cappuccino at Starbucks around 5:30 am.
All in all, the night turned out to be unexpectedly eventful, and I'm pleased to report that my Queens roots still resonate. The funniest part? The revelation of my naked and barefoot heroics. I'm still chuckling inside. That poor soul probably thinks I'm a madman. Imagine the tale he's spinning now!
😉